I was watching the series finale of "A Different World" this afternoon...you know the one where Dwayne gets the job offer from Konichiwa and Whitley found out she was pregnant and Kim got engaged to the Jamaican dude? And it got me to thinking about the world I came from.
My parents were married for 30 years before my Daddy died. I've known nothing but a father AND a mother in my life...along with other "mothers" and "fathers" that were in my life. Because of that background, I always thought that I would go to college, meet my boyfriend there, graduate, get engaged, jump start our career, buy a house, THEN have a baby. But damn me if it didn't work out that way.
And I'm pissed about it.
I mean, don't get me wrong, MIB is the greatest thing in the world to me...greater than my Daddy and Michael Jackson not being dead. But, I really wish that it would have gone the way I had hoped it to have gone; the way it went with my parents. And I'm mad at SD for not giving me that. Myself as well.
MIB's being here is shared responsibility between me and SD...I can't sit here and say that he got me pregnant on purpose or I put a hole in a condom to get pregnant. It happened and we got the most beautiful and precious thing from a condom breaking. And I wouldn't change HER being here for the world. I just wish that I had a marriage license, a white gold ring with a fake diamond, and a mortgage along with her.
And it hurts me to my heart that my child doesn't have a Daddy at home...it hurts my heart that I don't have a Husband at home. I know my child's welfare, mental, emotional, and social state are most important; but I just have to be a bit selfish and be concerned about my current state once in a while.
Not to say that I'm willing to accept SD in my life as my husband for the sake of having one or to go out and elope with the first male walking that says he "loves me"...but it is a bit sad that I wasn't able to go the course of my parents and my dreams. Who's to say that it will never happen, me getting married that is. I just wish that it would have been prior to MIB.
Other than that brief moment of self pity, I have to say that my life with my child is fabulous. We have fun, both learn a lot, have many people supporting and helping us (when needed), and love each other dearly. She has what she needs, most of what she wants, AND she's gonna be TWO in less than a month! Princess and the Frog overload.
I guess it is a different world than where I came from huh? And I love it.