Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'm not having anymore...

As soon as I get some vacation time, I am getting my tubes tied.

Getting a tubal is something that I have wanted to do since I was about 20 years old. As a child, I wanted my parents' life: married really young (Momma was 18 and Daddy was 22), live life a little bit together and then have some kid(s). After 18 came and went, and the lack of a committed relationship while I was in college, I realized that I probably wouldn't ever get married much less have children.

So at 20, I made the decision to have my tubes tied because honestly I really didn't like kids that much. I love children, honestly I do...but groups of them (4 or more at any age) and bad assed ones really isn't my cup of tea (how I managed to survive 4 years of teaching without killing one is amazing).

Since you can't get your tubes tied in Wisconsin without having at least two kids before the age of 30, I had to wait it out and be careful. Once I turned 30 and the prospect of marriage really went south and my dislike for children (at least in my house 24/7) considerably grew; I made steps to not have children without having surgery (I hate the doctor and hospitals with a passion).

I went out and bought condoms laced with spermicide as well as spermicidal film (LOVE THIS) to make sure that I wouldn't get knocked up by mistake. My child's father (who is a sperm donor this month...another day, another tale) would hate to wear a condom but I made him put one on. Even if he did slip it off in the middle of flipping me over, I had my backup spermicidal film to protect me if he happened to make another donation.

The first time I got pregnant, I made it up in my mind to have an abortion. All I needed to do was get the money to pay for the procedure and I was good to go. I discussed it with my mother and she supported me; but I didn't discuss it with MCF (my child's father) for reasons I'd rather not get into right now. As I got further along in my pregnancy, my faith (no, I'm not Christian) reminded me that to have an abortion would be destroying ancestors. About a month after finding out I was pregnant (due to the stress of the absolutely unruly children I was teaching...damn certain parents), I had a painful, lonely, sad miscarriage.

*Side note: I am pro choice and pro life. In my situation, based on my faith, I have to be pro life. But if I weren't in the faith that I am, I would regard myself with the masses to be pro choice. You do what you want; that's between you and your God*

The next year, MCF and I got together again, and I got pregnant. That time, there was no choice in the matter: I was having my child. There was a reason I got pregnant again around the same time despite all that I did to prevent pregnancy. After those 10 months of pregnancy (that still upsets my uterus), two days of labor, one C-Section, and five additional days in the hospital later...My Intelligent Beauty (MIB) came into this world. She became my world and everything that I did I then realized that I would be doing it for her.

I be damned though, if I do it again.

I remember taking an Africology class many moons ago that discussed Egyptian life, society, and belief system. One of the discussions that I took and kept with me almost 15 years later was to never bring a child into this world if I am not able to take care of said child emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. And even though I am doing that for MIB right now, I can't say that I would be able to do that again. As a single parent, it is hard enough to give her everything she needs (she's still in the need portion of her life; I am in the want stage for her) but I'll sell my soul to make sure that she has it all to make it another day.

But, I can't do that again. Real talk. Having children, single or not, is a serious situation to put yourself and future child(ren) into. Many times, people (who have sense) sit down and talk about their situation when it comes to children; and if the child isn't preplanned (like MIB) then discussions about how to raise and rear said child, how visitations go, what faith to raise the child in, etc., etc. And I'm single. If I wanted to have more children, I'd rather be married and I don't think I'll be going down that road (not being pessimistic, just honest...I'm too old for the BS).

I am 33 now. I have MIB running around driving me mad but making me the happiest person alive at the same time. I'm still single, her father still isn't doing his part of the job, and I'm not even in the mood to start dating right now so marriage is out of the question. The older I get the more prone a child is subject to birth defects and the more prone I am to a more difficult labor with possible complications. I'm old enough to know what I want and need in my life and frankly a tubal is what I need.

Now all I need is that week off...


  1. I really like the honesty of this post, sis. It sounds like you've thought this out long and hard. I've wanted to have my uterus snatched out for at least ten years, but the doctor continues to tell me that's not an option LOL.

  2. Thanks MsL...
    I've wanted my uterus out too...but damn if they won't let me lol...
    I really took time about making that decision becuase I might meet someone one day that wants more kids or I might want more kids. But after going through what I am going through now, and what the country is going through financially, this ain't the time to be bringing in a whole bunch a kids.
    Now I'll tell you who needs to take my advice: anybody with the last name of Duggar. I swear she working with a slip n' slide now.



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