I was playing with my daughter the other day and she kept kicking her feet so I decided to recite "This Little Piggy" on her toes. I like that nursery rhyme: short, simple, and to the point.
While I was reciting the nursery rhyme to her, I started to think about how the piggies would be portrayed if it was written in 2009.
Nursery Rhyme: This little piggy went to market
2009: This little piggy went to the co-op, Trader Joe's, or Whole Foods.
Nursery Rhyme: This little piggy came home.
2009: This little piggy couldn't afford the prices at the co-op, Whole Foods, or Trader Joe's; so s/he went home to get their Aldi's bags to go shopping there.
Nursery Rhyme: This little piggy had roast beef.
2009: This little piggy has PETA at his/her door for eating the roast beef and is picketing his/her house because of it. S/he is currently barricaded inside of his/her house.
Nursery Rhyme: This little piggy had none.
2009: This little piggy is a strict vegan and is one of the protesters at the roast beef little piggy's house. S/he is carrying a calf with a sign saying: "I don't want to grow up to be placed in between two pieces of bread dipped in au jus."
Nursery Rhyme: This little piggy cried "wee wee wee" all the way home.
2009: This little piggy is currently at his/her lawyer's office filing suit against the other little piggies because of this statement. S/he is suing them for libel and emotional distress. "Wee wee wee" piggy's statement: "I am offended by the statement made by the other piggies. I was not recorded or even seen saying 'wee wee wee' by the other piggies or any other party. I find it repulsive and offensive that they would even make such outrageous lies about how I live my life and how I decide to act while going home. This is an outrageous accusation and I will not let them get away with it."
This is not an advertisement for Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Also, this is not intended to offend anyone that is vegan, a meat eater, PETA supporters, or lawyers.