I understand..

Last week I called SD and told him about MIB's medical problems and what I had decided to do about it. But since I hadn't heard from him in ages and I was frustrated and irritated with him and his behavior; I told him that I wasn't going to call him anymore.


A few days later he called me back and asked about how she was doing, what was going on with her leg, etc. Then he told me that he was in town (he currently lives about an hour outside of the city) and was filling me in about his latest adventures. I was hardly interested (and let it be known that I wasn't) and told him that if he wanted to really know how MIB was doing he could come and see her at anytime.

Of course he didn't come that day. I expected that. So today I called him and got to talking to him about what he's doing, not doing, and should be doing.

Me: You should come and see your daughter. You haven't seen her in over a year.

SD: I understand.

Me: I'm really tired and it doesn't make any sense to me that you aren't doing what you need to do in order to see your daughter

SD: I understand.

Me: I've never asked you for shit. EVER. All I've asked of you is to come and see your child. It's not fair to her that she won't have the life that we had as children. She didn't ask to be here.

SD: I understand.

Me: I hate the fact that I can't give her the life that I want her to have and the life that I had. But I'm more pissed off at you because you're not trying to help give her that life.

SD: I understand. But what...did you call me just to ride on me? Wtf..

Me: Yeah I did because this is some stuff that I needed to get off of my chest. You keep on talking about how you are going to do this and do that but you never do. You make promises and always find a way to break them. I have done EVERYTHING possible for this child: worked two jobs, sold what I needed to in order to get what she needed, borrowed, whatever; and I have NEVER had a problem seeing her everyday. You should be able to do that too...it pisses me off that you've done NOTHING in regards to her.

SD: I understand.

Well you know what, I don't understand. I don't understand why you understand everything I am talking to you about but aren't doing anything to rectify it. I don't understand why it's a problem because I am telling you what the fuck you need to get off of your ass and do. I don't understand why you get pissed off at me because I mention the mothers of your other children (because I didn't want him to compare me to them). I don't understand why when I'm talking to you about quality time spent with your child you get to talking about white folks and money (they don't have a damn thing to do with you coming to see our daughter). I don't understand why you claim to understand what I'm going through but once again doing nothing to help me with it.

I don't understand how you can understand anything and do nothing to make it right...