Yesterday I had to stay home because my mother had a doctor's appointment and I didn't have a sitter. While playing with MIB and her Buzz Lightyear computer, I realized that I wanted to be a stay at home mom (SAHM).
This is a shocker because...well first of all I never wanted kids before I had MIB. I always envisioned myself being a single woman and never becoming a mother. Secondly I am a working woman. I couldn't see myself staying at home watching Nick Jr. all day or singing "Twinkle Twinkle" or making cookies and lemon bars all day. My idea of work is not cleaning up behind a three year old (SHE'S THREE! already...God where did the time go?)...it's getting up and driving to my job five days a week.
At least that's what it used to be. After waking up yesterday and spending the day with MIB playing and learning with her and then doing a few hours of work...I felt good. It was nice to be able to make my own hours while allowing enough time to help her with her phonics, clean, feed her at a decent time, and get her bathed and ready for bed. I missed doing that for her for three months when she was a newbie because I had to work two jobs over 15 hours a day six days a week. And I feel bad about that...I feel like shit about that actually.
But I know that I can't make up for time lost due to me trying to take care of my seed. What I can do though is concentrate on the time that's ahead. MIB is starting K3 in about three months and I would like to be able to take her to and pick her up from school everyday. I want to be able to make those lemon bars for her (with a sugar substitute of course because Montessori doesn't allow extremely sugary items for snacks) to take to school...or to snack on when she comes home. I want to be able have a sense of calm when we do interact.
And I think that making the decision to become a SAHM now was best for me. Being a single mother I know that I still have to work in order to take care of our needs so I will need the time that she is at school to take care of business. But self made hours, no commute (outside of the occasional trip to Office Depot and the local coffee shop), and peace of mind will benefit MIB more because I will have that extra time and patience to spend and deal with her and her constant "why" questions.
I know I will miss working a little bit because I've always thought of myself as a working mother. But now I see that I need to be a mother who works in order to raise MIB into the woman I would like for her to become. So now I need to be creating a master plan...
Single mothers: how do be the best SAHM while providing for your mini-mes? What tips do you have?