This is kinda long so please bear with me...
MIB's birthday was last week. MCF's sister wanted to come over for the party (which was postponed for another reason) and she took off of work to attend the party with her kids. I felt bad about it (because I actually like his sister. She's really nice) and tried to make arrangements to do something else with her and her kids on the day me and MIB were to go out.
I tried calling MCF for days but he never answered, never got in touch with me, never texted me...nothing. On MIB's birthday, he didn't call her to wish her a happy birthday, he ever got into contact with her...nothing.
So I kept calling to cuss him out (to tell the truth) and he still never answered. I could have texted him but it wouldn't have been the same. Finally I decided to just say eff it and stopped calling him. This morning while I'm at work listening to Pandora, a text came through on my phone:
MCF: I truly understand the wrongfulness of my responsibilities and wish to make it up. But u have to realize my condition...I'm willing to give up my rights.
I texted him back:
Me: I don't know your condition you won't talk to me that is all i ever asked of you was to just stay in contact with me.
His condition? He's bipolar. And a black male. In a city that has limited access to mental health help geared towards black males and bipolarism. He's been telling me (when we do talk) that he's been seeing someone professionally to get help with this but they changed his meds (he was on lithium and then they switched him to another script that sounded like an anti-psychotic...but I'm not a dr.).
But does this have anything to do with him not seeing MIB? With him missing her holidays and birthdays? Hell no. And hell yes.
I talked to him on the phone earlier this morning and he was telling me that he was under a mandatory 72 hour hold because of an incident that he had in the hospital. He was embarrassed and irritated that he had to be there and didn't want to be around MIB and his family because he was becoming more violent due to his lack of meds and (I think) professional mental health. He doesn't want to come to my house to see MIB because he and mother can't stand each other. According to him (which is true by the way) my mother takes shots at him and is always talking slick or saying something that just fucks up the flow of what is going on between him and MIB.
Should my mother make a difference in him seeing MIB? No. But I understand where he's coming from. I can understand that he's frustrated because every time he comes over my mother has something negative to say to him about the past and what he hadn't done instead of just letting what he was doing at that moment go on. He claims the anxiety and bipolarism makes him not want to deal with her.
I've talked to my mother (as y'all know she lives with me and I try to help her with her physical needs because of her long list of ailments...only child syndrome) about her comments and actions when he comes over. I tell her to stay out of it and to keep her comments to herself because it causes more trouble between MCF and myself. And she doesn't listen of course. Again that shouldn't deter him from coming over but if someone talked shit about me every time I came over to see my child I wouldn't want to come over either.
It ain't right but I understand.
Me and MCF talked again later in the afternoon today. I suggested to him that we have a mediator or co-parenting counseling to deal with what's going on between us so that we could properly raise MIB. He agreed to it but will it stick?
I have been working so hard to establish a good relationship between me and him, him and MIB and the three of us. And to tell the truth y'all...I'm tired. I can't keep listening to him tell me that my mother is running and ruining my life and to my mother that he ain't shit and doesn't want to have anything to do with MIB. I'm at a crossroads and need to know this: Do I pursue the counseling/mediation? Do I move out of the house with my mother and leave her to fend for her own with me coming over whenever I can to help her? Do I tell him to shove it? Is he even serious? How is his bipolar condition going to affect what we are trying to do for and with MIB?
I need answers y'all...