So SD got in contact with me the other day. And was beyond...civil. He asked about MIB in the first text I'd gotten from him since the "slandering tirade" he went on last month.
He talked about being sorry for being a bad father and the he loved MIB and there were some issues that were keeping him from wanting to see her.
*sidenote: those issues I am going to keep private because they are some issues that we've dealt with for quite a while and due to the serious and sensitive nature of those issues, I am going to keep that information private*
So anyway, I talked to him that same night and we discussed those issues and for a change SD has admitted to his wrong doing, his issues, and is attempting to solve them. But let me tell you I am not going to play the fool though. When he's had these revelations before, I would usually be the one to get the help or assistance that he needed in order to take care of those issues (his current issues or other issues he has had in the past). But that's not going to be the case this time simply because I feel as if I've learned my lesson (at least in that situation).
So now he wants to see her, which is fine with me because that is what I've always wanted him to do. We've been discussing a meeting for the last couple of days and because of the snow and bitter cold, we aren't going to do it today but we will get together this weekend when the weather improves. And I'm telling my mother this and she was talking to MIB and asked her:
"Do you want to see your daddy?"
Mom: "You know your daddy is Mr. Lucas (Mr. Lucas is a made up boogie man that used to scare my cousins straight and we are now using him to scare MIB straight)."
Why would my mother tell MIB that her father is the boogie man? After all this she's been saying about him needing to see her and we have finally become cordial enough to start co-parenting this child and he feels like he needs to see her and my mother wants to basically throw shade and tell her that SHE is MIBs father and that SD is the boogie man?
I call bullshit on that and my mother ought to be shame (yes I went all south on you right there). I might talk about him with my mother and call him everything but a child of God when I'm pissed but in front of MIB I don't talk slick about him, I don't call him names, and I don't disrespect him. Certain things need to be found out on MIBs time (if he does right or not this time). I'm not defending him by any means but I have always had that belief that adults shouldn't discuss adult things in front of children and make adult like remarks about the other parent in front of children either.
I don't know if my mother is feeling threatened because he does want to be back in her life, or if she still doesn't trust him, or if she just hates him. But she does have to remember that SD is still her father (SD status or not) and I would never keep him from her unless her life was in danger. So now I have to go home and talk to her about the way she sticks her nose into certain aspects of my life when it comes down to MY daughter. I appreciate the help, but I would never intentionally put MIB in harms way or set her up for sadness like that.
So YCMs, in the case of SD vs Nani, what would you do and what do you suggest?