Thursday, February 10, 2011

What would you do?

So SD got in contact with me the other day.  And was beyond...civil.  He asked about MIB in the first text I'd gotten from him since the "slandering tirade" he went on last month. 

He talked about being sorry for being a bad father and the he loved MIB and there were some issues that were keeping him from wanting to see her.
*sidenote: those issues I am going to keep private because they are some issues that we've dealt with for quite a while and due to the serious and sensitive nature of those issues, I am going to keep that information private*
So anyway, I talked to him that same night and we discussed those issues and for a change SD has admitted to his wrong doing, his issues, and is attempting to solve them.  But let me tell you I am not going to play the fool though.  When he's had these revelations before, I would usually be the one to get the help or assistance that he needed in order to take care of those issues (his current issues or other issues he has had in the past).  But that's not going to be the case this time simply because I feel as if I've learned my lesson (at least in that situation). 

So now he wants to see her, which is fine with me because that is what I've always wanted him to do.  We've been discussing a meeting for the last couple of days and because of the snow and bitter cold, we aren't going to do it today but we will get together this weekend when the weather improves.  And I'm telling my mother this and she was talking to MIB and asked her:
"Do you want to see your daddy?"
MIB: "Yeah!"
Mom: "You know your daddy is Mr. Lucas (Mr. Lucas is a made up boogie man that used to scare my cousins straight and we are now using him to scare MIB straight)."

Why would my mother tell MIB that her father is the boogie man?  After all this she's been saying about him needing to see her and we have finally become cordial enough to start co-parenting this child and he feels like he needs to see her and my mother wants to basically throw shade and tell her that SHE is MIBs father and that SD is the boogie man? 

I call bullshit on that and my mother ought to be shame (yes I went all south on you right there).  I might talk about him with my mother and call him everything but a child of God when I'm pissed but in front of MIB I don't talk slick about him, I don't call him names, and I don't disrespect him. Certain things need to be found out on MIBs time (if he does right or not this time).  I'm not defending him by any means but I have always had that belief that adults shouldn't discuss adult things in front of children and make adult like remarks about the other parent in front of children either.

I don't know if my mother is feeling threatened because he does want to be back in her life, or if she still doesn't trust him, or if she just hates him.  But she does have to remember that SD is still her father (SD status or not) and I would never keep him from her unless her life was in danger.  So now I have to go home and talk to her about the way she sticks her nose into certain aspects of my life when it comes down to MY daughter.  I appreciate the help, but I would never intentionally put MIB in harms way or set her up for sadness like that.

So YCMs, in the case of SD vs Nani, what would you do and what do you suggest?


  1. Sounds like something my mother would do. She would always keep grudges for me long after i'd forgiven the person. But she died before I had my son or falling out with his father so who knows. Anyway I would talk to her about it. I agree somethings should not be said to or around children especially about their "daddies".

    Having grown up a child of divorced parents, I (and I think I can speak for my bros) always felt like we had to choose sides because of the obvious dislike my mother harboured for my dad. Eventually I had to accept that I had no right to side with her and dislike my dad because she did, he was a horrible husband but he was my dad and did a good job at it too. So once I had my son and his father and I separated I vowed that I would never put him in the situation where he would feel uneasy or tension between us. So we've been pretty cordial.

  2. SSB...And I don't want MIB to have to choose sides because she shouldn't have to. All I've ever wanted was for SD to be a permanent fixture in her life and now that he's finally doing it (and it is the same thing that my mom wanted of him) she wants to basically be nasty about it instead of supporting this next phase in her life. I just don't get it...and it's beginning to piss me off LOL. And all I want from him and my mom is cordialness (is that a word?lol)
    We are going over to his house this weekend just so I can keep her mouth out of what's going on with me him and MIB. Hopefully I won't hear any mess when we get back...




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