His Misery is My Happiness

I am going to take a break from NaBloPoMo to talk about something that has been tearing at me for a while and I've finally allowed myself to let it go.

A few months ago I got a letter in the mail from the district attorney's office about SD (sperm donor aka MIB's father).  It basically said that they were doing a sweep of sorts on fathers that were delinquent on their child support payments.  I had some forms to fill out about the last time he saw here, if he knew where we lived, the last thing her got for her, if I knew about any kind of property he had and so on.

I've been meaning to fill it out but I've been busy raising her.  I should've done it the minute I got it but shit happens. 

I was trying to figure out how to explain why I wanted to put him in jail.  And that is hard. I used to think that I didn't want the state or the county involved in our affairs despite the court ordered child support judgement he had against him.  I wanted to be the type of person that could co-parent with her child's father and work out money issues or issues with how she's raised or in MIB's case, medical issues. 

But he wasn't about that life.  Still isn't about that life. 

And that was reaffirmed today.  For some reason I wanted to look up an old friend from many moons ago that I hadn't seen in ages.  Saw his mugshot.  Damn shame. 

Then I looked up SD's name to see if he had a mugshot.  And I'll be damned if he didn't.  

And he looked like shit. 

It made me smile.  Actually it made me giggle. 

I have been wanting and waiting for him to feel bad about what he's done to MIB and to me since she was born: not being there, helping, worrying, loving (her...I've finally let that one go), caring, encouraging...  I was never able to get my comeuppance with him and that.  I wanted him to see how well I am doing (considering) and how well MIB was doing...especially without him.

I never got that chance...but that mugshot sure in the hell made up for it. 

He looks horrible, y'all...eyes all jaundiced, hair a ragged mess...looking like Katt Williams.  I'm laughing at myself now because I used to be in love with this man...wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man.  And he looks so...so done.  Like he's just said eff life.  And his misery makes me happy. 

That might be wrong...me being happy at him looking like he lost his last dime and last friend.  But, hey, it does.  And I'm not going to be shy or PC about it.  MIB has sat here and cried for her father more times than I can count.  I've struggled financially more times than I can count.  

We've both suffered and for him to finally suffer a bit for all of the suffering he's caused us...makes me feel a little bit better and happier about where we are.  Not together, me and MIB living well, and him in jail.